May 19th, 201800SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Figuring that there was no better time to celebrate than during this particular overnight call, University of California, San Francisco (UCSF) surgical intern Jose Rioja has decided to open up a vintage packet of Nabisco graham crackers from 1981.
Rated a perfect 100 in “Graham Cracker...
May 18th, 201800The first case of the day at Saint Methodist Maplewood hospital was canceled due to no remaining time outs prior to incision.
Circulator, Renee Count explained, “We had to use an extra time out before we even got to the OR due to an unexpected nursing hand off while I was getting report. This put us in the hole before we even...
May 17th, 201800Under pressure from the Natural Medicine movement, the American Society of Anesthesiologists have discovered a “natural” and “drug free” approach toward preparing a patient for surgery: a firm, well-placed knock to the skull with a ball-peen hammer. Practitioners of holistic and natural remedies are celebrating...
May 15th, 201800Kearney, NE – Kind Samaritan Hospital. Growing increasingly dissatisfied with the benefits of a automaton and robotics enjoyed by their colleagues on the other side of the drape, local anesthesiologists are demanding that the hospital procure them a robot of their own.
“It’s not fair!” announced Dr. Anna Stezia....
May 13th, 201800 Markersburg, TN – Dr. Lois Siento thinks she has the key to improving relationships between primary teams and consultants. “It’s simple,” she explains. “We give consultant business. Consultants like to get cases from us that interest them and, if they’re surgeons, that need to go to...
May 11th, 201800In a paradigm shift for the operating room, a new study has found that re-using instruments dropped on the operating room floor does not increase the incidence of post-operative infections, so long as the instruments are picked up within five seconds of being dropped.
In this multi-center, prospective, randomized, double-blind...
May 10th, 201800 An expert panel comprised of ambulance chasing, blood sucking lawyers and that one snotty dude from med school published a revised ASA physical status classification this afternoon to reflect the increasingly litigious landscape of modern medicine. The new scale adds to the narrative descriptions provided in the initial consensus...
May 6th, 201800CHICAGO, IL – Seeking new ways to remain controversial and constantly in the news, United Airlines has announced it is has replaced passenger seats with brand new seats that go all the way into Trendelenburg.
“Sorry, do you mind if I lean back and put my head in your lap? Thanks!”
“We realize that unless you...
April 27th, 201800New research has shed light on which group of physicians are the most physically frail and feeble. Emerging data shows that the top spot was taken by ophthalmology, with the remainder of the top five spots being filled out by pathology, neurology, psychiatry, and nephrology. First author on the study was Dr. Brock Hardback- an orthopedic...
April 26th, 201800Not pictured: Jackson’s restless legs
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Citing the “baseless and anonymous attacks on my character” as well as intractable abdominal cramps, lacrimation, and rhinorrhea, White House physician Rear Admiral Ronny Jackson has announced he is withdrawing from both his nomination and...
