SICKLERVILLE, NJ—Local hypochondriac, Emma Dyne, is not taking any chances with the coronavirus pandemic. For the last month, the 25-year-old healthy woman has worn a mask everywhere she’s gone: her bedroom, the kitchen, and the shower. Despite her extreme caution, she is convinced she has Covid-19 and is currently freaking...
WASHINGTON, DC—Studies indicate that of all medical specialists, psychiatrists are the most likely to be physically harmed by their patients. In response, the American Psychiatric Association (APA) recently strongly encouraged all mental health professionals to hide their true identities from their potentially dangerous patients by...
WASHINGTON, DC—The American Psychiatric Association (APA) has at long last definitively answered a question that has been floating around ever since the publication of its first Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) in 1952: Why doesn’t the DSM, the so-called “bible of psychiatry”, contain...
In what can only be described as a sickening display of pure narcissism, Gertrude Walters, an 82 year-old woman with advanced dementia, has remained oriented only to herself for the third hospital day in a row.
Ms. Walters was sent from her nursing home, where she requires assistance with nearly all of her activities of daily living, to...
Bozeman, MT – The wild west just became wild again! Dr. Samuel Oaks, a college psychiatrist at Montana State University was arrested for hosting underground “Emotional Support Animal Fights” for his patients.
It all started as an innocent quarrel between two patients arguing over a seat in the waiting room. As the...
Charleston, WV – The Psychiatric Inpatient Unit at Memorial Hospital has temporarily closed due to an unplanned, insidious event. “The day started off as an ordinary day. I came into to work, received report from the night nurse, and then proceeded to take care of my patients. But then during team meeting…” At...
TAMPA, FL – In a sad and tragic turn of events, local resident doctor James Hilden was told that he would never fully be cured from his depression due to his inability to participate in yoga. Dr. Hilden, who lacked the flexibility to maintain even the most basic child’s pose, was thought to be a hopeless...
Given the overarching success of the Pain score leading to the opoid crisis, The Joint Commission (for healthcare absurdity) has now added the sixth vital sign in the form of the Crazy Score. It is designed to help all healthcare providers recognize if patients or their family members are nuts and to quantify this in a way that is...
PITTSBURGH, PA – Sometimes it’s better to acknowledge one’s own shortcomings and move on. That is why we’re saluting a hero, internist Dr. Keisha Boots, for summoning the strength and courage to do something all of us have always wanted to do: she tossed the tall stack of unread New England Journal of...
Salt Lake City, Utah – Parents will be able to count down the days until Christmas in a much more soothing manner this season. A local pharmaceutical company has started distributing advent calendars filled with Valium, a medication known for its calming effect commonly used in treating anxiety.
According to Ann Ziety, the CEO of...
