LAS VEGAS, NV – F**K! The Snout is at it again! Second-year University of Nevada Las Vegas (UNLV) med student Karen Weaselsnout-Jones has been spotted at the bedside of innocent 107-year-old Vincent Canter, wasting his last few precious moments on earth with more useless words about that damn Krebs cycle again instead of letting him spend it with his own f**king family. “Do you know how many ATP this cycle generates?” Weaselsnout-Jones rudely asked Canter, who is desperately trying to “find the light” so that he doesn’t have endure any more of this pain. “Make it stop!” he screamed with his lifeless eyes towards his nurse, doctor, God, whomever might listen, to make the nightmarish structural formulas of succinyl-CoA and fumarate go away. The persistently-eager Weaselsnout-Jones asked Canter if he knew the difference between oxidation and decarboxylation, to which he replied by flatlining. Rest in peace, Mr. Canter. You’re a true hero. As for The Snout, she isn’t aware her patient’s dead and continues to yammer on.
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